your fate is my toilet

jack'd (pulled pork, red velvet pancakes, jack daniels maple syrup) by 'pull'd'

rating: eats at the ex / 10.0

HOW TO EAT HEALTHY AT THE EX

you may have no idea but i have been training very hard for this day. mentally preparing and doing all sorts of really demanding exercises to get ready for it. this is the day in which i of course journey to the effusive gastro-offerings available at the canadian national exhibition, also fondly referred to humorously enough as 'the ex.' i know. 'the ex.' very diva and dramatic. because after experiencing something like it, whoever says they love you very much as of right now, may soon enough change their mind. and you will find yourself alone on the side of some deserted street, crying. covered in soil and garbage, soaked in tears of happiness and pure joy, void of any envisioned regret. you will lie there looking up at the pale stars of night, tears pouring all over your cheeks, and you will know deep inside that it was all worth it. every single calorie and gram of fat.

1.) vie's 'raw taco'

i started the day at 'vie' which sells all this raw, vegan and organic stuff including tacos, kale chips and kombucha. i took this first so it would obviously cancel off all of the evil and immoral stuff i would be eating later on. it's like an advanced cleansing. 

i chose their raw taco and it was good, and i once i finished it i literally felt ready to decimate anything in my path!

2.) bacon nation's 'bbblt'

i proceeded to 'bacon nation,' one of the most degenerate and miscreant options available at the ex. 

i had a deep-fried bacon-wrapped mars bar. feel free to read that over again if you like. tbh, you can't even really taste the bacon, mostly just the chocolate, and you can feel the texture of the back bacon once in a while, but that's it. regardless, it is one of the most gratifying experiences you can purchase for $8, lol.

my mom chose the 'bbblt' which is like a sandwich with back bacon, normal bacon, lettuce, tomato, and nutella, and this is actually a good option if you want to have a good bacon-to-chocolate ratio in your mouth. 

and i mean this when i say it; the two surprisingly complement each other very well, as opposed to like donuts and cheeseburgers and other things of that nature. i may regret this later on in my life, but i recommend bacon nation's 'bbblt' to you. it's good. (you can make it yourself. it's worth a try.)

3.) dutch frites' 'nasi goreng kroket'

next i went to 'dutch frites' and had their 'nasi goreng kroket.' 

the toronto star has fawned over the fries at dutch frites, but i have tasted the best fries all over the world (aka 1000 tastes of toronto lol), so fries are boring to me. 

give me something interesting like a kroket filled with southeast asian fried rice and a rich mustard dip and i will smile and say thank you and eat in utter bliss. ;'-)

4.) time & olives' 'sesame cheese purse'

i probably should have stopped there, as i was somewhat surfeited at this point in time, but i didn't. and not for a while. because whoever curated food for the cne this year did an utterly sensational job and made a very happy person out of me. so i galumphed on through the dark whimsical world of cne food. a lebanese bakery. 'time & olives.'

i picked up for myself a 'sesame cheese purse.' its tastes very simple, clean, but its strengths are in its textures. the thin crisp exterior and soft interior of the bread, gently cradling fresh mozzarella and tomatoes. more pleasurable than any bag alexander wang or chloe sevigny could design imo. there was this other place that sold things like pulled pork and pizza in like ice cream cones. i'm glad i got this instead. purses are a much better gimmick tbh. i could not resist getting one more food item after i finished the sesame cheese purse though. 

5.) pull'd's 'jack'd'

my last stop was this place called PULL'D. I think it's related to Epic Burgers, where i tried my first luther burger last year. its main offering is pulled pork in all sorts of forms and ensembles. i got something by them called 'JACK'D' lol. so it's like pulled pork between three red velvet pancakes, covered in jack daniels infused maple syrup. 

and i'm not sure what you are thinking right now, or deciding if it is worth pursuing any further relational association with me anymore, but i felt very obliged to try it. the pulled pork was great, but the whole thing together was about as cohesive as Epic's krispy kreme luther burger last year. not very cohesive. its $12 of novelty and bragging rights. don't take this in the wrong way though. the thing is more than edible and tastes okay, but it's by no means life-altering. this mediocre reception may have more to do with my dislike of red velvet more than anything else though.

6.) vie's 'young cocount'

i finished off by getting a young coconut at 'vie.' they just drill a hole in a coconut, stab a straw inside, and you have 100% raw coconut water that is really good and cancels out all the fat from 'bacon nation' and 'PULL'D.' lol.

missed.) far east's 'korean tacos'

i always miss a really fun place while visiting food destinations, and this time it was the korean tacos by far east. believe it or not, but i have never tried a korean taco before. i know, such a tragedy. i really need to get on that. anyways this concludes my epicurean exploration of the cne. hope you had fun reading it. to finish off, please check out the photo below of me hanging out at the cne being cute and beautiful!!!

;-)